("...very high strength-to-weight ratio.")
And so begins the legend of Festivus!
"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son.
I reached for the last one they had. But so did another man.
As I rained blows upon him I realized there had to be another way!"
"What happened to the doll?"
"It was destroyed.
But out of that, a new holiday was born!
A Festivus for the Rest of Us!"
"And at the festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them ALL THE WAYS they have DISAPPOINTED you over the past year."
"And is there a tree?"
"No, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting."
The tradition of Festivus begins with the Airing of Grievances.
I got a lot of problems with you people!
NOW, you're going to hear about it!"
"And now, as Festivus rolls on,
we come to the Feats of Strength."
"Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!"
HAPPY FESTIVUS, EVERYONE!
"It's a Festivus Miracle!"
And I leave you all with a quote from George Costanza in honor of the spirit of giving.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and this may be my chance to start giving something back. I'm serious. I think I could be a philanthropist. A kick-ass philanthropist! I would have all this money, and people would love me. Then they would come to me and BEG. And if I FELT like it, I would help them out, and then they would owe me BIG TIME!"
I'm feeling:: festive